This girl This Single girl This Mom This Single Mom She is tired, she sees the world as a list of tasks, errands, jobs that she has to do. This girl at times feels like she is failing at almost every part of her life. Whether it be motherhood because her child wont sleep in his own bed or whether it be failing to make a relationship work or whether it be handling the juggle that is working full time/entrepreneur/single mom who suffers from anxiety and depression. They tell you it isn’t easy, they even tell you things will change but to be honest no one told me to the magnitude that it would take to wear every single hat made to man at the same time. It times like this I wonder if I’m enough, if I’m doing enough. Am I doing my best? Should I keep trying? Do I even keep looking for the balance? Should I give up? Should I throw in the towel and let it all go? I won’t lie to you and tell you thoughts do sneak in from time to time. I am mentally, physically drained at times and I don’t even know how I even manage it this far. Everyone takes a piece, everything takes its energy from me. There are times when my cup is at empty and I look around wondering where do I even go to fill it back up. I will never be the burden to anyone. I won’t let myself ever get there. But I no longer feel like I can manage and at times I don’t want to. I wonder if I’m alone, feeling like this and I wonder if someone can see how I’m feeling through my eyes, through my tone of voice so I quickly mask it only showing that side to those I trust wont judge me and ridicule me for feeling this way. Every day comes with a different set of tasks, list, jobs, errands and guess what all I want to do sometimes is cry in my bed and sleep that day away. It’s not every day but today is one of those days for me and all I got is one day at a time, one thing at a time. Like I always say: NO RISK NO STORY” Guess I’ll keep on pushing.

Parenthood during the pandemic of coronavirus and living in this time where we are fighting for justice for innocent black/brown lives taken by police brutality. It’s scary and most of all anxiety filling. For those of us that suffer from anxiety already are struggling to manage it all for us and our children. We already questioning ourselves in how we raise our kids but now in the middle of all this, it’s hard to know if you are doing it all correctly and raising the kings or queens that will change the world in a positive way. It’s already not easy for us single parents or even dual parent households to make sure we are doing the right thing. It’s definitely all part of the journey and you don’t know if your are doing it right until later in life but the journey is so fulfilling. It’s something we don’t take for granted and we love each moment of their growth, from their first steps to their graduations, to their first words to the day they get married. We are proud of all their accomplishments big or little and we hold on to them for the rest of our lives. Before all this we already feared so much of this world from cyber bullying, school shootings, medical issues, broken hearts, etc and now the world is even scarier than ever. When raising black/brown children we have such a different journey and now there are more hurdles for them to be prepared for. Different conversations that need to be had. I know we can handle it and i know it can be done for we come from ancestors that have taught us how to move about in this world. We will teach them accordingly because their success and readiness depends on it.  I want to give hope and compassion for other parents who are struggling to balance everything and to move about not having to be perfect but be present in this world and be vigilant to our new “normal” and adapt accordingly. But just know you are not alone, you are not in this by yourself, there is a whole community of parents that understand and are going through it as well. It’s true what they say it takes a village. The times might be different for some of us and some of us are having questions on how we move forward during this time but if we band together and talk to each other, we can figure this out as a community and that is something we can all be proud of. Supporting each other during a time like this is what we need right now. It’s not easy but it’s so worth it. PARENTHOOD.